Are you happy?

I'm breaking up with you Carrie.

I've always been a fan of Sex and the City.  I drifted away a bit in Season 4.  It got a bit too full on for my ocassionally sensitive tastes I think.  When the first film came out I dutifully took myself off to the cinema.  I loved it.  I loved the fashion. I loved the big screen look. I loved Big. I just loved it all.  Then came SATC2.  Never has a film been so keenly anticipated and so instantly reviled.  I hated it.  I hated every single thing about it.  Carrie finally had her man and now all she could do was whinge. It was culturally offensive.  I hated it hard.  The scene I hated most was this one:

Appalling. Just appalling.

So, having watched SATC2 it got me wondering, how did they get it so damned wrong?  How could they have misread their audience so badly?  How could an ensemble of people; artists, performers, writers all of them, miss the mark so  gravely?????

There was no shortage of bad reviews:

"The film's tone-deaf cultural awareness extends to a boozy karaoke rendition of "I Am Woman" which is equal parts naïve/patronising."

"Sex and the City has turned into a bloated juggernaut of pointlessness. Its female characters are now beyond unbearable, none more so than Carrie."

"Sex and the City 2 is the female equivalent of Transformers; a big, dumb blockbuster that doesn't require you to think very hard, if at all ... I mourn the death of four memorable television characters that used to mean something to so many."

"Ignorant, culturally insensitive and unfunny."

Ouch.

Still, over the years, I've watched reruns of the television series, recognising and enjoying the familiar stories over and over again.

Then it happened.  My final assignment for "Text Culture and Society" (yes, it's as rivetting as it sounds) was an analysis of the ideology of Sex and the City.  I was required to choose one episode to analyse specifically.  I chose "The Drought", partly because I love the scene where Carrie talks to Miranda;

"It's something about him. You should see me around him. I'm not like me. I'm like "together Carrie."
I wear little outfits..."sexy Carrie," and "casual Carrie." Sometimes I catch myself actually posing. It's exhausting."

Sadly*, I could relate. 

One ideological belief frequently represented in television is the idea of 'happily ever after', whereby a woman’s ultimate path in life follows a certain pattern;  meeting a man, falling in love, getting married, having a family and living ‘happily ever after’.  The fairy tale model - a princess is rescued by a prince, they fall in love, marry and live 'happily ever after'.

Sex and the City superficially claims to represent an alternative to this ideology.  It depicts the four women as strong, single, independent, intelligent, successful women with unlimited sexual freedom and choice.  In truth, the OPPOSITE is true!  The women’s obsessions with finding a man, maintaining a relationship is the overarching theme of the entire series!

Take “The Drought” for example.  “After weeks sharing a bed, Carrie feels comfortable actually sleeping with M. Big, yet mortified when she farts in bed, but really worried when he stops to want sex every night. It really hits her when he prefers to watch a boxing match to kissing, so she paints her apartment.”  Carrie then spends the rest of the episode depressed and distressed about “the fart” and calls on her friends to advise, support and guide her on how to deal with the “fall out” so to speak….  My question is: How old are these women????? This is feminism????? These are the aspirational women we are presented with on TV????? Two words. Grow up!

The Oxford Dictionary defines patriarchy as ‘a system of society in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it’.  Feminism is ‘the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes’.  Sex and the City is a frustrating example of how a show can outwardly claim to be representative of feminist ideology (equality, freedom of choice and independence) while in fact reinforcing certain patriarchal conventions.

For example, Carrie normalises this patriarchal belief that the man holds the power in a relationship.  Carrie is overwhelmed with anxiety that perhaps her ‘fairy tale’ relationship with Big is doomed and seeks the advice of her friends.  Big holds all the power in the relationship. 

When Carrie discusses the fart with Samantha, the most sexually powerful, confident of the four women, Samantha says:

Carrie: I farted.
Samantha:  Then move your mat away.

Carrie:  Not now. I did it in front of Big.
Samantha: Huge mistake

Carrie: (Sarcastically) You think? It wasn't a choice. I'm human. It happened.

Samantha: No, honey, you're a woman, and men don't like women to be human.
We aren't supposed to fart, douche, use tampons or have hair in places we shouldn't.
I mean, hell, a guy once broke up with me because I missed a bikini wax.

As charming as the scene might be on screen, read the words on paper and you can’t help but think, really?  This is how we are encouraged to think and behave in a relationship? 

When Big returns to Carrie at the end of the episode, having waited days to hear from him, Carrie asks sullenly, ‘Why didn’t you call me?’  Big replies incredulously ‘Why didn’t you call me?’  Feminists looking to Sex and the City to authentically reflect their ideology could be excused for asking the same question.

Sex and the City promotes the patriarchal system of representation of the ideal female form.  Thin, white, well dressed and beautiful.   The four characters are all beautiful and obsessively concerned with their physical appearance.  Wearing the most fashionable clothes takes precedence over comfort, cost and affordability.   The four characters are very much defined by their physical appearances.  Their hair colour in particular signifies four distinct personality types.  Miranda has short red hair – the stereotypical temperamental redhead.  Samantha has platinum blonde hair, the stereotypical sex bomb.  Charlotte, the brunette, the stereotypical image of the homemaker and the girl next door.  Far from cutting edge and feminist in its approach, it’s actually rather backward and a tad offensive.  Think about the lack of ethnic diversity too.  The non-white characters tend to be token characters.  And no African Americans in their circle of friends really.

In a sense, I regret having to delve into SATC.  It has really spoilt it for me.  I kind of enjoyed being able to flick on Foxtel and watch an old episode – like visual chewing gum.  Now I know I would just be irritated.



Me and My Hair - A Love Story....not

Me and my hair, we have a tortured relationship.  It has tortured me and in return, I have tortured it.   It’s never been the right colour, the right texture, the right shape. It’s always been frizzy, curly, unruly and mousy brown. We have battled for many years and my hair has almost always won. My “good hair days” have been few and far between.

In my teens I used to attempt to curl it into submission with steam curling wands.

EVERY morning I would spend hours trying to look like this....

But usually ended up looking like this….on a good day

As I got older I tried all sorts of alternatives.

This

(Fail)

And this

Yeah, right, no surprises there....FAIL

I loved Meg Ryan's hair.  I carried this picture in my wallet for years.  Each new hairdresser was handed the worn image as I pathetically uttered the words "I'd like to look like this".  Most of them looked at me patronisingly and just said "Well, Meg Ryan has very different hair to you..."  No sh*t Sherlock.

Then this happened...and I didn't like her hair (or anything about her really) that much anymore.

Then in my thirties I tried going with it and got a perm. Say it with me people MASSIVE FAIL.  What was once frizzy and wiry was now completely dried out, wildly out of control and sporting a case of split ends so bad, looking back it should have been declared a natural disaster.

In my forties I discovered Japanese Thermal Straightening. Basically they apply a solution to your hair, then they iron it flat, basically killing your hairs will to do anything except hang there. Ta da! Straight hair. I loved it.  Sure, huge sections of my hair snapped off at the roots but I was winning the war. Here is the before and after!

In the last couple of years a new process has emerged called Global Keratin Straightening or Brazilian Blowout. There were rumours the solution was carcinogenic but hey, beauty is pain. If the risk of cancer wasn’t enough to deter you, the $250 for a process that lasts about 8 weeks might have. Not me of course.

I also LOVE products. My bathroom cabinet is stuffed with every manner of shampoo, conditioner, leave in conditioner, hair masque, gel, spray, conditioning mousse…. You name I have tried it.  Each one a chance to finally defeat my arch my nemesis, my freaking hair.

A year or so back I watched a great movie called “Friends with Money”. This line just jumped out at me.  It summed me up in just three lines.

“I was obsessed with shampoo. I thought if I could find the right one my hair would be the hair I always wanted. Like, every time I washed it was a new opportunity. A new chance to be pretty.”

I would be happy to have hair like any of these gals. No, actually I would be delirious.

Having great hair is a huge advantage in this world.  It sucks but I believe it's true.

And so it continues. My hair and I fight it out every morning.  The bathroom is our battleground.  I GHD it, I torture it with my Big Hair Rotating Blow Dryer.  I apply every sort of cream and gel I can get my hands on.  I beat and brush and iron it into submission. 

I watch the weather forecast with particular concern.  Not because I am worried about global warming (I am, but that's not why) or because I care about damn levels (I do, but that isn't why either).  If it rains, then all my hard work is in vain.  Rain and humidity are my enemies.  Sadly, my strongest memory of the terrible heat wave of 2002, when fires raged around Sydney, was that my hair never looked better. The air was so dry, there was not a curl or a frizz in sight.  Yes, I am ashamed to say so.   

I will not be surprised if one day my hair just gives up the ghost and falls out altogether.  I may be bald, but even then, I believe I will have a quiet sense of victory. 

No retreat baby, no surrender.

Jeff Bridges is the Dude

Jeff Bridges has starred in some of the biggest movies over the past 40 years, "The Last Picture Show, "The Fabulous Baker Boys," "Tron," "The Big Lebowski," "Crazy Heart," "True Grit," “Sea Biscuit”, “Arlington Road”, “Fearless”, “The Mirror Has Two Faces”, “The Fisher King” and to name just a few. 

I have loved Jeff Bridges long time. 

I think “The Fabulous Baker Boys” was the film that convinced me of his greatness.  He has aged magnificently too.  I am at that age where I can truly appreciate a silver fox.

This week he released an album of original country music and to support that, he’s been doing media rounds in the US.  He appeared on “The Colbert Report” and last week he did “Piers Morgan Tonight”.  The hour long interview was riveting.   He is such a cool guy; so confident and normal and sweet. 

He has been married to wife Susan for 34 years and he talked at length about how they met and how they’ve survived.


"It was, you know, the corny "love at first sight" thing, you know.  I met her on a movie set in Montana. We were making a movie called "Rancho Deluxe."  And I see this girl, gorgeous girl who's watching us. I mean, she looks like she's working there or something.  And she's just gorgeous. I could not take my eyes off her. And she busts me every time, you know, I look at her.

And it's tough asking a girl out. You know, you've got to really, you know, get the courage, you know and I said, would you like to go out tonight?  And she goes, no. It's a small town, maybe I'll see you around. I said, really? She goes, yes.


I said, OK. And her prophecy came true and maybe it might have been that night or the night after that, I saw her in a bar and we danced and, you know, that was it.

And we we cut 20 years later. So I'm married. We've got three kids. I'm sitting at my desk opening my mail. And I got a letter from the makeup man on that show. And he says, I was going through my files and I came across a photograph that might be of interest to you. It's a shot of you asking a local girl out for a date.

And I look at the thing and it's a picture of me asking my wife out for a date.”

Bridges carries the photo in his wallet and calls it his most prized possession.  “The first words that I ever spoke to my wife, asking her out, and her answer we are no.”

Asked “ Why do you think you've been able to have such a happy, sustainable marriage”

Bridges responds, “ Luck, I'm sure, has a lot to do with it. My  parents were very, I was going to say happily, but they went through, you know, unhappy times, too. And I think Sue and I, we've developed a practice of kind of leaning into those tough times, you know, and looking at those as this, oh, here's an opportunity for us to get a lot more intimate, to know a little bit more about each other.”

Lovely. Just lovely. I love the idea of "leaning into those tough times".