I'm thinking of becoming Amish and I'm taking my 9 year old with me

I like to think of myself as being a “cool Mummy”. You know, one of those Mums who is up with the lingo (does calling it “lingo” instantly disqualify from the cool label I wonder?) 

I’m familiar with the latest technology. I have a Twitter account, a Facebook account and I use the internet daily for work. I am aware of the sort of stuff they play on Top 40 radio these days. I know all about the TV shows that kids are watching. I have a 9 year old daughter and I’ve tried to instil a certain savvy-ness in her about all these things.

We don’t listen to commercial radio in the car or at home. We don’t watch Video Hits. I choose not to promote the values expressed in a lot of this music to my daughter. She’s heard many of these songs from her peers and from friends. I know I can’t prevent her from hearing top 40 songs and seeing music videos in other places. My theory is, our home is our sanctuary and I make the rules and set the boundaries. I just hope that once she is out in the world she is able to make good choices about what is and is not worthwhile, healthy, sensible and valuable.

So you can imagine how I felt when my 9 year old daughter came home from the school disco last Friday night with a copy of a CD containing songs they had been dancing to like “Sexy and I Know It”, “Champagne Showers” and “Last Friday Night”.

Let me just highlight the two key aspects of that sentence “9 year old daughter” and “school disco”.

One of the songs “Sexy and I Know It” was played at the disco apparently and the children were encouraged to chant the chorus “Sexy and I Know It” by the school employed DJ. This choice tune includes the delightful lyrics:

I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it

I'm sexy and I know it

I'm sexy and I know it...

The children were then encouraged to “wiggle it, wiggle it, wiggle it”while chanting the lyrics.

Um, is it just me or is this a rather extraordinary contradiction in messages? On one hand, we are concerned about the sexualisation of young children in our society. We are trying to teach them safety on the internet, in the school yard and in the world in general. Then we are running a school function and encouraging them to dance and chant the words “I’m sexy and I know it”.

Another song which was played was “Last Friday Night” by Katy Perry. Katy Perry is a hugely successful singer and was recently the voice of “Smurfette” in “The Smurfs” movie. The kids love her. Here are some of the lyrics to this happy tune.

There's a stranger in my bed,

There's a pounding in my head

We went streaking in the park

Skinny dipping in the dark

Then had a menage a trois

Pictures of last night

Ended up online

I'm screwed

Oh well

It's a blacked out blur

But I'm pretty sure

It ruled

So hang on, my daughter is at a school function dancing to songs that say that “blacking out” from drinking “rules”? Hmmm. “What’s wrong with this picture?” I ask myself. “Everything” is the answer.

The song “Champagne Showers” has lyrics such as “flash your titties like mardi gras” and “walk out the party with a hottie or two”. If you think that is a little out of line for kids to be listening to, have a look at the music video. The words that come to mind are pornography, deeply offensive and misogynistic.

These days, kids go online and Google the lyrics to songs (not like in my day when you had to tape the song and listen to it over and over and try to decipher the words). They may not understand the deeper meaning of these songs but is that an excuse? It seems so in some people’s minds. When a parent asked the DJ at the school disco to stop playing these inappropriate songs he replied that “the kids love it and they don’t understand the words anyway”. Right! Great answer. Not.

Am I alone in feeling this way? Am I out of touch? Why are we not protecting our kids more from this sort of garbage? Don’t we want to give our kids a consistent message about personal safety, about respect, about treating people with dignity and behaving with dignity? How do songs that promote binge drinking and promiscuous sexual behaviour fit with our desire to raise happy, healthy kids? Isn’t that what we all want for our children? If so, why are we all just sitting back and letting this drivel infiltrate society and invade our kid’s mind?

I wrote to the principal of the school about the disco and the music content. She neatly hand-balled it to the P&C and I am yet to hear back. I’m not holding my breath. In the meantime, I’m considering becoming Amish.

Real Estate Agents are NOT your friends

I just recently moved.  My experience of Real Estate agents in the past year has lead to me to a cold, hard realisation.  Real Estate agents are NOT your friends.  They might have little girls cuddling teddy bears on their advertisements but don’t be fooled fellas.  Whether your child has a roof over their head is not exactly their highest priority.

Let me pre-empt this by telling you I am a renter.  I am one of the “good tenants”.  I pay my rent on time without fail.  I do most of my own repairs and I keep the place like it’s my own.  I don’t have noisy parties.  I don’t hang washing over the balcony.  I observe the recycling signs in the garbage area.  I park my car exactly where I’m told.  I am extremely co-operative when it comes time to inspect the property.  I smile and say hello to my neighbours.  I am not a serial mover.  I want to be settled and stay in one place.  Give me a 5 year lease and I will sign it happily.  So, if you watch A Current Affair or Today Tonight, I guess you would think I was one of the rare breed of “good tenants”.

So how am I rewarded for this?

Well let me tell you about my last place of residence being sold.  It began with assurances from the real estate agent who was slick and super friendly and had the firmest handshake I have ever experienced.

“Don’t worry; we can see what a great tenant you are.  We do 75% of the rentals in this area.  We’ll make sure you guys are ok.  We’ll find you somewhere before it even gets advertised! Now, is it ok if we show people through 5 times a week?”

Once you get an assurance like this from a real estate agent in this current rental climate, you feel so much better.  Of course you think, well, I’ll just show him what a good tenant I am! I’ll let him lead an endless trail of people through my place, morning, noon and night.  When he leaves the back door wide open after every inspection you think, better not complain, don’t want to rock the boat!  After all, he has given you a wink and a nod! He’ll look after you. He is your friend.  I almost expect he will arrive with a giant Mr Hooker teddy bear for my daughter next time he sees us!

No such luck.  He couldn’t sell the place and once he no longer had the property under contract he had no interest in us good tenant or not.  Being naive, I called him to let him know we were looking now for a place to live.  His response after I explained who I was (Shucks! I thought we were friends!)... “Yeah, nah there isn’t much around at the moment. Why don’t you look in the local paper or on the internet?” Such valuable advice.  Thanks Ken.

Then we met the next agent.  This guy seemed to be a younger version of the first guy, slick, friendly, firm handshake and so grateful for the access and the fact that I kept the place spotless.  I got the same “Oh don’t worry, if you have to move we’ll look after you! You are obviously a great tenant!”  It certainly helped that I kept the place spotless when he would ring me at 4pm to say he had someone who wanted to see the place at 5pm that day.  Inconvenient? Noooo. That’s totally fine.  My daughter can do her homework in the backseat of our car while you traipse through the house for the third time this week with people who will walk mud through my place, sticky beak in my cupboards and even use the loo and not flush.  True story.

Anyway, in the end the house sold and we were informed we had to move.  Then I joined the throng of poor Sydney renters looking for a place to live.  Rocking up to open houses only to find that the photos on the internet were doctored up to make places look bigger, cleaner and brighter was a demoralising experience.  Competing with other applicants to pay $500 plus a week to live in a tiny, dark hole was even more demoralising.  Ringing agents and never getting a call back and applying for properties and then getting jerked around for a week before being told you missed out was par for the course for me for a while.

It became apparent to me that real estate agents treat most renters with contempt.  It was humbling to stand in the street waiting to see a place you suspected was already way overpriced with 20 other groups of people, all jostling and pushing to get in first., then to stand back and watch when people actually bid more than the advertised price while you are standing there filling out your application.

And then it happened.  I found the place I knew we wanted.  And I found Rebecca, our agent.  She treated us kindly and fairly and professionally.  She was honest.  She answered my calls and emails.  She did exactly what she said she would do when she said she would.  The day we moved in there was even a “Welcome Pack” on the counter.   It was so refreshing to discover that not every real estate agent is a jerk. Some tell the truth. They don’t all treat you like a low life simply because you rent.  So for now, I’m off the renting roundabout.  It’s nice to know where we are going to live for another year.  We are happy and settled.  Only thing is, Rebecca hasn’t bought my daughter a giant teddy bear yet....the day she does is the day I will start to worry.

I'm a lip balm addict and I don't care who knows

For as long as I can remember I have had a lip balm addiction.  Laugh you may, but for me it is deadly serious.  If I find myself out without my lip balm, I panic.  I reapply it countless times a day.  I have about a dozen tubes scattered around the house and in my handbag.

You know how they have those quiz things where they ask you which beauty item you would take if you were stuck on a desert island? Lip Balm, back- up lip balm and then fall-back lip balm would be my choice.  I simply couldn’t live without it.  I can’t sleep without it.  If I wake up in the night I reapply.   It’s a sickness I know....

Over the years people have told me that it’s all in my head and that it’s not possible to get addicted to balm.  Turns out, not true! 

Perry Romanowski is a cosmetic chemist and has written a book called Can You Get Hooked on Lip Balm?  He says that the addiction many people joke about may actually be real!

"You can't get addicted to lip balm in the way you can get addicted to cigarettes, he said. "That's actually a chemical addiction that affects your brain."

But Romanowski said applying (and re-applying) a layer of gloss can certainly be habit-forming.

Romanowski said the lower layers of the skin produce fresh, new skin cells that die and can dry out by the time they reach the top layer.

"When you put the lip balm on the dry skin, what that does is interfere with the signalling mechanism that signals to the lower cells to start producing more," he said.

"Using lip balm, while it makes your lips feel good initially, when it wears off your skin feels dry again and your skin doesn't have time to replenish that." So you apply more lip balm. And when that wears off, you apply more. And more.

And more! "And so in that way you can get 'addicted'; it becomes sort of a psychological habit."

So now I guess the question remaining is, is it too late for me to change?  Could I stand trying to give up?  Is there a Betty Ford Clinic for lip balm addicts?  How much lip balm and I ingesting every year I wonder?  Should I have it written into my will that in the event of me being incapacitated that someone is to be employed to put lip balm on me every two hours?  Anyway, I’ll sign off now. Must reapply.....

I blinked and it was November.....

Well, here I am. Back again. I have just spent the last month or so in the midst of the fog known as "moving house". 

I'm not going to lie to you. It wasn't fun. I'm not the kind of person that copes well with being disorganised.  Having everything in boxes and all over the place messes with my head!

But I'm sorted now and hopefully I'll be posting a bit more now....